Week 3 in the books, and I am feeling better mentally seeing as I am making progress walking, moving, and sleeping better. With the splint sleep was not sleep. I was basically playing hop scotch with the leg as a sadistic jump rope that I had to avoid at all cost with my eyes closed, and being half conscious. Well I thought I was mastering this brace like a pro until I realized my leg is stiff as a mug. I tried to push my threshold of bending by changing my settings to bend more. I am bending more, but not at the pace I put the brace. I had amped up my movements from 30 degrees to 60, and I am like I feel my leg bending more and more each day, and I want to get my leg to bend at 90 degrees in the next three weeks, and I thought it was bending at the 60, so I thought man I will be at 90 in no time. That was turned into a pipe dream when one day I took my brace off. I usually leave it into the locked straight position to take it off, and on this day I left it on the bending 60 degree position, and when I took ii off, the brace bended way more than my leg, so I came to the realization that my leg is being at 40 degrees as opposed to the placebo 60 degrees I thought I was getting. I was pretty bummed about it, but I know feeling pity for the truth does nothing for me or anyone around me. I am just going to get this thing right. I continually do my stretching exercises that I got off the internet, and ones that I thought my doctor should have prescribed to me during this process. I always get the impression that he is only out for money. He has that doctor’s compassion. It has no compassion what so ever. My wife thinks I am trying to prove him wrong in my healing process, and in a way she is right, but it is not pride in proving him wrong I am just thinking that the only thing he keeps saying is every heals different. (I think no shit. This is not my first injury) I tend to heal faster than the normal person. It is documented in my medical history. Only reason I went there is because the emergency room recommended him, and I can’t lie it was convenient for me to get there. I try to remind them I drove myself to the emergency room when my accident happened and thinking if you want to know my pain threshold that may be an indicator. Even when my staples were being removed it legitimately tickled, and even the “nurse” said everyone responds to pain differently, and all I could think was no my response to pain is the same as everyone else’s. If the shit hurts I am going to holler ouch. If something hurts to the point of unbearable, I basically bear down the pressure, and close my eyes and take the pain. I always laugh at everyone who tries to tell me my own pain threshold and reactions to pain. I have been me since I was made. I am not your typical man when it comes to do I need medical help, as a matter of fact I am quite the opposite, hell I try to seek medical attention immediately on anything strange going on. When it comes to the doc, I may be a bad judge of character, but he comes off as a walking penis with a PHD. He just may be a good surgeon, a good doctor, but I just don’t like his vibe. It seems every time he “helps” I get charged for some bull shit (pardon my language). The one thing that sticks out in my mind is that they charged us 35 dollars to send a fax to my insurance company for something that the insurance company told them to send. I always knew the medical field was a big racket, but got damn 35 dollars to send their paper back to them with your signature, I mean I could get Lou Ferrigno’s autograph for cheaper at Dragon Con and at least he would bull shit around with me for a while geez. Every time I have seen this guy he gives a “standard” handshake. Now if you conduct business in the street or in the corporate world a handshake is the first binding of a contract, before ink even hits paper. This is what I was taught during a proper handshake. You give a web to web grab, firm grip (symbolizing to glue to the deal), and a nice quick muscle movement up and down. That is my definition of a handshake. This guy does the first two parts of a proper handshake, but never initiates the shake. He just kind of holds my hand, and I know I don’t look like your typical business man, but I know when a deal gives me the warm and fuzzies, even if it is with my health, and this dude ain’t flipping the bill. If it wasn’t for me being the bread winner in the family and having my family seeing my jammed up like this, I would have given him the business on my second trip. I digress, healing has that mental aspect to it, and he seems to be my only real obstacle as I try to get my body back together. Other than that I am confident my leg is getting better. I have actually been walking without crutches for the last week to try to start walking on my own. I only walk with a limp now, but that is step one to this process. After I get walking back down packed, then physical therapy starts. I am going to wait about 2 more weeks before I can start that. They recommend their physical therapist, but I am shopping for my own. I got to break up the money network. The leg is doing fine, but the only thing I have are little spurts of pain in my knee where they did the surgery at, and I recognize that is the nerves coming online for the new changes in my knee. It is bearable. When I am sleeping my leg involuntarily stretches, and I know that is my muscles getting oxygen and coming back online and building. The bending is coming along slowly, but surely, and walking is improving every day, but I know I will need to lose the brace to truly heal.

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